As the year ends, you may see the incoming year as the time for a change. Even if you still think your marriage is saveable, the stress and complexity of the holiday period may convince you it is not.
That’s fine. Many couples decide that the best thing for all involved is to separate. Even though it will be hard on your children and they would probably prefer you to stay together, remaining in a broken relationship can lead to increased conflict and unhappiness for the adults, which is bad for your kids.
Make up your mind and don’t look back
Once you file for divorce, it is crucial you stay future-focused. Does that mean you cannot have moments where you wonder if you are doing the wrong thing? Or where you reminisce about all the good times that you had together? No. Both those things are a normal part of the grieving process. What you need to avoid is looking back in anger.
Think about the couples you know who have divorced. The divorces that people still talk about are the ones that end in bitterness, where couples spend vast amounts of money and time hauling each other through the courts because of retained anger and hurt about things that happened in the past.
While it is understandable that you are angry if your spouse cheated on you or mistreated you, letting pent-up feelings dominate your thinking will not help. You cannot change the past, but you can influence your future. Focusing on how to move on from your present situation and set yourself up for the future is the best use of your efforts. Having help to understand divorce and custody laws allows you to design a better future.